So You Think You Can Co-Parent

Tomorrow I will celebrate my 2nd Mother's Day. It is also my second Mother's Day without the man than made me a mother. It was just before Mother's Day last year that I learned that James was deploying. We had been visiting my parents one night. As we drove home in the dark, with our still brand new baby girl tucked asleep in the backseat, James confessed what he'd known for a day. He was deploying in July, he would be gone a year. I choked back tears. In my heart I'd known this day was coming, but nothing really ever prepares you for the news. And I felt like this was a particularly bitter pill to swallow. My first year of motherhood would be as a single parent. Not exactly the picture I had in my head of how it would be. In an instant my little family was robbed of a year of firsts. The little bundle in the backseat slept on, unaware of the heartbreak that was hanging over us in the front seat.

It has been a hard year. Sometimes I look at that little face as she says "dada" over and over and I can't help but let the sadness wash over me a little. There is a perpetual mourning for all that is missing in our lives. No matter how many firsts we pass, it never gets easier. But now here we are a year later and homecoming draws near. In a few weeks I will surrender my single mother status and try to piece back together the picture that was fractured that dark night. I am looking forward to that sunny day and watching Kaydra toddle over to the man she doesn't even know she has missed and hear her say "dada." It's funny that that day will feel more like Mother's Day than any other.